I think that sometimes it’s very easy to misinterpret someone or their intentions. So it’s about time there was actually a page that explained me for how I want to be seen, and for who I really am. I’m honoured you’ve even come to this page. I guess it makes me happy that people want to know me. I commend you if you get any further than the first couple of paragraphs; I know I have a tendency to ramble on once I get going.
If you hadn’t already caught my name, it’s Cara. Carawrr came from one of my friends, in a French lesson when I was fourteen, and it just stuck. I’m 20, I’m a student at Birmingham City University, studying Music Technology. I’m from Northampton, and I love it for that safe, protected, homely feel it gives me (and Silverstone!), but there’s not much going on there for what I want to do. Living in Birmingham is great. I’ve got some amazing friends here who I’m so thankful for. I’m English; I think there’s possibly some Italian blood in my Mum’s line somewhere, but as far as my heritage and my nationality are concerned the only thing I am is an England Midlander. If you spoke to me, you’d notice I have the pretty standard English accent, that I actually think is pretty boring, but I’ve been told by people who have a different accent that it’s a good thing. I guess it just means I’m pretty easy to understand.
The main thing I pride myself on is my honesty. I’ll always tell the truth about how I feel, and I do my best to give my honest opinion. Sometimes it’s not what people want to hear, and that’s where tact and a consideration for other people’s feelings comes in. I’ll never lie; I can’t do it. I just know when to hold back a little or offer constructive comments rather than being ridiculously harsh. There’s definitely a difference between holding back the whole truth, and outright lying, but I do my best to be as honest as possible.
I’m nice. Mostly that’s a good thing, mostly people respect me for it, but sometimes people take advantage. I don’t know whether I’m just too nice or some people are dicks, I don’t know whether it’s just how I was raised, but I have manners. I seem to have too many. I hold doors for people, I say “excuse me”, I say “thank you”, and I’m just polite in general. To everyone, not just people I know. When people take advantage of that or are just rude, it gets to me.
I’m good at listening. I don’t mind helping people out; it makes me feel like I’m not a completely awful person. Knowing that I’ve made something better for someone else makes me a whole lot happier. I tend to be good at offering advice and just helping in general. I’m completely open to people just sending me a message because there’s something they need to let out. I do that for people because I’d like to think that people would do that for me. I guess that goes for a lot of things.
That’s really my only decent quality; my ability to help people out, no matter what. There’s not a whole lot I like about myself, if I’m completely honest. I’ve always struggled with my self-esteem. I’ve never been happy with my grades, with my “talents”, and mainly with my appearance. I couldn’t tell you how many times a day I look in a mirror and wish I could change what I saw. I couldn’t tell you how often I make excuses for myself, and say things like “oh well, I’m stupid”. I dumb myself down an awful lot. I don’t know why. It’s possible that I want people to be sympathetic, it’s entirely possible that I just want people to like me, but I know I’m not really stupid. Sometimes I don’t understand things because I don’t want to, not because I can’t.
I’m not perfect. In fact, I’ve done some things that pretty much make me a bad person. I’ve done plenty of things I wish I hadn’t. But someone once said to me “it’s not a mistake if you learn from it”. That, I fully believe in, and is what has stopped me dwelling on my mistakes in the past. We shouldn’t be defined by our mistakes, but what they have taught us. If I hadn’t done one pretty crucial, and very stupid thing, then I never would have realised all the things it taught me, and my life would not be anything like it is now.
My belief in fate pulls me through a lot of things. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I’ve seen far too many things happen that are so beyond coincidence it’s actually kind of scary. I know that in the end, things will turn out okay, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
That’s how I look at love. I’m not sure anymore what love even is, but I do still believe that when you feel something is right, you should go with it. I always think I’d regret not doing anything more than doing something and failing. And I think that something as beautiful as love (like I said, I’m not sure what it even is anymore, but if Allie and Noah, Chuck and Blair, Ross and Rachel, are anything to go by, it’s meant to be pretty amazing) is worth the risk of losing everything. As I’ve said in a post before (here), if you never know pain, you will never know happiness.
Tying in with pain and happiness; I love tattoos. I have three. My first I got on my arm, simply because I wanted a tattoo. I’d never do that again; I believe that if something is going to be on your body for your whole life then it needs to stand for something. My second tattoo, on my collarbone does stand for something, you can find the meaning here. My third, and most personal, is on my foot and although it may seem incredibly nerdy or childish to some, it’s important to me. The meaning behind it can be found here. This is definitely not the end of my experience with tattoos, I never stop getting ideas and never stop wanting them. Ever since I was a child, I’ve been obsessed with scars and the stories behind them, and I suppose my love of ink stems from there.
We only do it for the scars and stories, not the fame.
There are plenty of things I love, and it’s such a strange mix. I’m a Formula 1 fan, and have grown up with it. Jenson Button was the reason I took notice though; he’s an incredible driver, has more than proved himself, and I will support him through the ups and downs. It also helps that he’s particularly pleasing to the eye. My love for Sebastian Vettel as an all round character is huge; he’s such a charmer, he’s funny, he’s honest, he shows his emotions, he’s also extremely good looking, and to top it all off he’s smashed through every record thrown his way. Other drivers I fully support are Nico Rosberg, Kimi Raikkonen, Jaime Alguersuari, and last but by no means least, Jules Bianchi. I’ve followed Jules from day one, and I’m so proud of his achievements so far in WSR, and I know he’ll be huge in F1 before we know it. Formula 1 today owes a lot to one man, one man I adore and will always admire; Ayrton Senna. RIP Ayrton. <3
I love fashion, photography and anything related. Whilst I know how twisted it really is and how much it has altered everyone’s concept of what beautiful is, the fashion industry fascinates me. It’s an art form, and that’s what I’ve always seen it as.
Music. I always hear people talk about how music has changed their lives, but I can truly say it has changed mine. Nothing quite hits me like music can, and that is why I want my career to be in music. A life is only worth living if it’s one you’re really passionate about. I will spend my life trying to be as good as the people I admire the most; The Beatles, Muse, Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen, McFly, Fall Out Boy, Kids In Glass Houses, Kelly Clarkson, Lady GaGa, Beyonce. As a guitarist and a singer, I will always try to be like them. I play acoustic guitar mainly, because I think it suits me. I don’t have a powerful voice at all, and a lot of the time I think I’m no good, but on a few occasions people have said to me that I’m good when I believe in myself. I think that’s something I really should try to remember.
If you ask me who my favourite band or artist is, I will say McFly. I’ve loved them from the start; when I was a twelve-year-old geeky girl with no dress sense and pretty short hair, and they were seventeen and eighteen, writing songs about surfer girls and house parties. I’ve grown up as they have, they matured as I did, and they got progressively better and better as I got to understand music more. I can’t fault their talent; they’re excellent composers and lyricists, they always play live and are always note perfect, the range of Danny and Tom’s voices, and how they’ve developed, is really astounding. I will always be completely in love with Danny Jones; I have been since 5 Colours In Her Hair was released in 2004. They are the only band it is acceptable for me to fangirl over, and I will always be a Galaxy Defender. <3
I love film. Fight Club is my favourite, because it is detailed and intricate and complex on so many levels, and was executed brilliantly by everyone involved. I think that Quentin Tarantino is a genius director and I love his style. I can watch a film and notice what kind of camerawork and editing techniques have been used, and I can pick out symbolism in the tiniest details. Maybe I am over-analytical, but it makes me so much more appreciative.
I can be a bit of a comic book nerd at times too; the Marvel universe is so detailed and so multi-dimensional that it is just so fascinating. I get maybe a bit too excited over The Avengers (particularly Thor), and Spider-man. I’ve also got a lot of love for DC, and especially Batman.
I love a storyline that has been well thought through. J.K Rowling changed my life through the way she told Harry Potter’s story. I won’t ramble on about how much Harry Potter means to me; I included the link to the meaning behind my third tattoo earlier, and that explains it pretty well.
I love complexity, and I love multi-dimensional characters. My favourite characters of all time are Tyler Durden, Mr Blonde, Severus Snape and Blair Waldorf. They can all be psychotic and sadistic and just plain horrible, but the depths behind them make them fascinating.
This brings me onto something that’s, to me, very important. My absolute idol. Leighton Meester. I’m sure most people say to that “huh?! Blair from Gossip Girl?”. Yes, Blair from Gossip Girl. I have never aligned to a character more than I have to Blair; but this isn’t about Blair, it’s about Leighton. The reason I align so much to Blair is because Leighton is so believable. She’s an incredible actress; she’s had plenty of different roles in films and shows that display how diverse she really can be. She’s an incredible model, she’s unbelievably beautiful and she’s had a huge impact on the fashion world. You’d think that’d be enough to make a person amazing? No, she’s a musician as well. She’s got the perfect example of a not-very-powerful yet enchanting voice, and she’s a guitarist. She’s managed to achieve everything I could ever dream of, after having a hard childhood and struggling through all of the problems she had with her parents. I can relate to her. It’s a cliche for me to say “I’m unique”, but I do honestly think I am. I don’t know another person, not even one I’m related to, who has dark brown eyes and hair to match, but pale white skin. Yet Leighton does. She’s the only other human being I can relate myself to, in terms of how I want to look, and who I want to be. If I could be 10% of the person she is; as strong, as talented, as successful, as loved and as beautiful, I would die a happy girl.
